It's nearly Sexy Time

Happy Spring Day everyone!

 And Happy Autumn day for my overseas friends!

 

Now that we have that out of the way...

Boyfriend: What are you doing?
Me: Research.
Boyfriend: Those are just pictures of half-naked men
Me: It isn't for me. It's for my blog.
Boyfriend: Why would you be looking at naked men for your blog?
Me: Supply and demand.
Boyfriend: And why is you hand down your pants?
Me: Oh...

On a side note: Boyfriend is very understanding of me looking at half-naked men. Just as I am supportive in pointing out boobs. I can't help it, sometimes these things just need to be admired.

 

 

A little something for the men.

But let me get back on track, today is the first day of spring which leads to Summer which means bikini season. That means no more excuses about eating healthy and no more giant jackets that can hide the extra kilo or two that has been put on. Shit.
Even though I whine about Winter and how cold it is, it did have some good points...Well point. Just one and that is the giant jacket part. But I digress...

Spring is here, bitches! Today marks the countdown to my favourite part of year!
*Happy Dance

From the 1st November onwards is my best. I LOVE Christmas time. It's the part of the year where I have no bad memories, no worries and I can poke people and say "It's nearly Christmas" and then give them a subtle hint of what I want.

They don't even take notice of me when I get so excited and I start to speak in one word sentences. And then I just start to point and grunt. But let's not go there.

It's Kitteh TIME!

Beware of Doug (My special friend-part two)

I have a friend named Douglas. He is very handsome and has a great arse. He doesn't know that when he is looking the other way, I will perve over his marvelous buttox and when I am lying all alone in bed I will hug my pillow pretending that it is actually him I am caressing. Okay I am lying, I just wrote all that to make him feel uncomfortable cause he reads my blog (And I love him for it)

 

What can I say about Doug? Well, he has a friend called Keiran, they get up to all kinds of fuckery together, for example:

Doug: Let's start writing a story in a manner where I write a section and you write the next section and so forth.
 Keiran: No because it's lame
 Doug: we can write the whole thing online
 Doug: ok let's start
 Doug: Once upon a time
 Keiran : The end
 Doug: fucking brilliant
 Doug: best seller

Or:

Doug: Can I have a bite of your pie?
Keiran: Yes. *Gives Doug his pie
Doug: Thanks. *Throws pie out the window 

Douglas can also be quite an asshole, outrageously funny but still an asshole...

Like:

1) Telling a girl that his name is Johnny so after romancing her in a club, she can't find him on facebook. 
2) Prank calling a hairdresser whilst pretending to be an old paraplegic. He actually got them to travel to his grandmothers house for a personal visit for a haircut. (He got into a lot of shit for that one)
3) Not having the balls to tell a girl that he had just kissed that he had in fact, actually just thrown up a couple of minutes before.
4) Innocently going out for a supper on a Wednesday night but ended up getting so trashed that he had to take two days off work.
5) Putting his chewing gum on my sneakers since he was too lazy to go to the bin. (Thanks a lot fucker)

Yes, he is indeed handsome.

This is the most normal photo I could find.
These were my other choices...

Douglas is also adopted, him and his brother were orphans until their (Foster) parents adopted them. He was what he affectionately calls himself a street rat or a throw away child. He also likes to say 'Only street kids are allowed to drink beer' whilst sipping on said beverage.


And now for my best Douglas quotes:


"The temptation to urinate in a bath is difficult to overcome"


"There is not enough beer in a bottle to fully satisfy my needs"


"I put on my underpants and I walk amongst my cabbages asking them if I make them feel sexy."

"Fuck"


These have nothing to do with Doug:

 

 

Have an awesome week, everyone!

Swing High, Swing Low...

I'm in a bad mood and I don't know why. It could be the slight dizziness I am experiencing from my bipolar medication or it could be the stress of looking after a sick boyfriend for a whole week. The thing that really pisses me off though is that it isn't some huge personal disaster, it's just lots of little insignificant things that are bugging me sub-consciously. I don't want to feel a bad emotion for something small, I would rather save it for a time when life really kicks you in the testicles and then sleeps with your wife whilst insulting your mother.

So to get myself out of this useless mood I am currently in, I have decided to put some of my favourite things that I find hilarious/cute/sexy or just plain racist <--- Kidding on that last one but who knows? I have a very sick sense of humour.

 

This just had me in stitches.

I love Stewie Griffin.

Kittah!

 

Story of my life

Yip- this happened

I absolutely LOVE Rage comics- Freaking Genius

I found all of these pictures on an awesome website called 9GAG.com. Seriously go take a look if you want a good chuckle, I am on page 1027 or something silly...

Is that a snake in your trousers?

I am not the bravest person on earth but nor am I a coward but there are just certain things that scare the shit out of me. For example I like snakes, not all snakes but a 6ft python holds no threat to me.

 

But a lizard on the other hand...

 

A couple of months ago, I made my family take me to a pet expo that was being hosted in my town. As you guys know, I love animals so it was really right up my backside. They had the usual dogs and cats but upstairs was the reptile exhibit.

I was definitely amped.

My sister on the other hand wasn't very keen...

So as I was lying in bed that night, a little visitor decided to join us.

My sister: Chelsey! Come here quick, we need you to get rid of a lizard.
Me: Are you mad? I am not touching that thing. I hate lizards.
My sister: Are you kidding me? You will hold a 6ft python but you're scared of a lizard?
Me: Yes. They're creepy.
My sister: But...what are we supposed to do?
Me: Let one of the cats get it.
My sister: No shame! They'll kill it.
Me: *Starts to hum the circle of life from the The lion king.
My sister *Glaring: You have a sick sense of humour.
Me: It's the cir----cle! The circle of liiiifeeee!

This is Blake the Burmese Python.

And for an apology for not writing a blog for so long;

You're welcome.

My embarrassing problem...

I have a slight problem. Well not a problem exactly, more like an embarrassing guilty pleasure that can be annoying to some people. I like...No, I love infomercials. The shiny new toys that can make my life easier, simpler and more enjoyable (I am not sure how a vacuum cleaner is supposed to make my life more enjoyable but whatevs, it's not like they are lying...) (<--Yes, I can be that ignorant)

 

The TV will be screaming at me to buy the latest and greatest and my mind will go on this roller coaster of pure want even if the product has nothing to do with me...

Robs (My sister): You don't need floppyBgone, you don't even have a penis.
Me: How do you know? I could have both sets of genitalia.
Robs: You don't.
Me: Exactly! I can't get an erection hence why I need FloppyBgone.
Robs: Sigh* Fine

My favourite types are the cleaning and cooking ones because I have a thing for cleaning products (weird I know) and the cooking ones are really interesting. The rest are mostly for weight loss...

 

And easy exercising....Honestly, I don't even know why I watch those ones...

Nope, can't think of a single reason...
*Sigh...

But then something magical happens, something so insane and ridiculous that the world stops and laughs and when the laughter dies down, they go out and buy the insane/ridiculous thing because how can they not? How can they pass up this opportunity?

 

I must admit I love this weird world of ours. It is utterly ridiculous and imperfect but damn- It has some crazy imagination...

How does one "whore" out a blog?

I was sitting on my bed, going through other people's blogs when it hit me. I want to have a successful blog. No, I want to rule the world with my blog. World blogination. Okay well not rule the whole world since that would seem to take a lot of work and lets face it, I am way too lazy for that. But maybe like a city of bloggers where everything is catered to our every desire.

 

So back to my original question. How does one whore out a blog? Well the first thing that came to mind is hiring an exotic dancer's backside, kind of like a billboard but instead of plastic and cardboard, it will be a strippers ass.

I also googled how much it cost to hire a stripper ass and well...The prank was on me.
HAHAHAHAHA!!* psycho eyes* pulls out hair*chews on it*


Wow- so much porn. Anyways...

 Do I stand on the side of the road but instead of begging, I hold up a sign that has my blog address?
Or do I make t-shirts with M&M written on the tits and have the whole address on the back?
Maybe I should go door to door like a Jehovas' witness. Or go door to door caroling. Maybe both.

Well I am not sure which to do yet so all I have been doing is reading other people's blogs and following the ones I love and leaving a comment or two (Maybe in the vain hope they will come to M&M and love my blog too or something *cough*)

But in all seriousness, there is some major talent out there and I just want to express my awe and thanks in having these people either comment positively on one or two of my posts or actually follow me
*Happy Dance* 

To properly express my gratitude:

I really want to see what they blanked out...

And in other unrelated news...

I passed my Drivers!!!! Whoop whoop! Finally!

And my dog is still an idiot...but those are stories for another day.