Don't dress up as a giant vagina for Halloween

Halloween is coming up and even though it is not as big here as it is overseas, my sister and I have decided to have a Halloween party.

Halloween time in America

Halloween time in South Africa.

Now I have been doing some research about fun drinks, themes and costumes...Yeah, costumes...Some people are doing it wrong.

I am quite speechless.

I can just imagine how this came to be...

Teenager named Jenny: Oh my gosh! like I wanna be something scary but like sexy too, ya know what I mean, Stacey?
Stacey: Like totally! What is the like, scariest thing to America?

*Thinky face

15 minutes later

Stacey: I totally got it! That terrorist dude! Obama...Wait Osama...whatever!
Jenny: But that is like totally not sexy!
Stacey: We can make him sexy...*Gives Jenny a fish pout face.
*Jenny gives a high pitched squeal then takes a photo of herself in the bathroom mirror.

That is when some costume company got a letter from Jenny and Stacey because I refuse to believe that more than two people are that stupid.

Hitler? Really?

Men in general must really love vagina...

Giant Vagina?

If you are thinking of dressing up as a giant vagina for Halloween...Please don't. There are amazing and exciting things to go as but having giant flappy labia swinging around is not one of them. Which is why Boyfriend and I have decided to go as zombies which is a relatively easy thing to go as and I get to be my normal clumsy self and not worry that I will spill anything on my clothes cause zombies just don't give a fuck.

And now it is time for....

Animal pictures- Halloween style? Oh Hell No!

Happy Halloween everybody!

Age is nothing but a number

 Adults are weird. Not a twenty-something year old adult. I mean a proper adult like someone in their forties with children and a house with more than one toilet. They can be smart but also unbelievably dumb, like with technology. For example:

*After showing my mom how to work the DVD player, I am in the kitchen making lunch
Mom: Chelsey! How do I put the volume up?
Me: Press the button that has a 'V' on it
Mom: Nothing is happening!
Me: The TV remote not the DVD remote!
Mom: Oh... nothing is happening! Just come here!
*Rolling my eyes, I walk into her room and stop dead.

Not the TV remote, it was the DSTV remote.

Me: Are you joking?
Mom: What? Why?
Me: I said TV remote. TV.
Mom: Oh silly me, you are my hero!

She didn't really say I was her hero, I just wanted to draw this.

I know in some parts of the world I would be considered an adult already but in my own world, I'm not even close.

A list of reasons why I can't be an adult...yet


1. I hate coffee (Everyone knows you are only an adult if you drink coffee)
2. I love cartoons
3. Only eat certain vegetables
4. Can wear the same pair of socks for three days and not care
5. I still do incredibly stupid things like cutting out a chunk of flesh from my arse... (Don't ask)

I was chatting to my sister about it the other day, it was a rather short conversation in which I made her sort of depressed.

Robyn: I can't believe you're turning twenty in a couple of months.
Me: I know! I can't believe you're going to be twenty-seven.
Robyn: Oh. Right.


*Awkward silence

Me: I'm sorry.

Hmmm....What do I have here? Is that funny pictures? Oh Hell's Yeah!

 

Sad Panda Nerd

Sad Panda

I am sort of sick... again...It started with a sore throat and steadily got worse but I'm not sick sick, like I wish I were dead instead of in this agony that my dripping, sore nose is putting me through. But I am sick enough that I have to stay in bed otherwise I get dizzy and nauseous which is not good for my already uncoordinated self.

I have walked into my door frame three times.

It is time to write a semi-angry letter.

Dear white blood cells

Although I appreciate your hard work in fighting off germs and bacteria,

can you please hurry the fuck up and make me healthy again...

Lots of love

Chelsey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnlULOjUhSQ

Call me a nerd- But I think that is freaking EPIC! A white blood cell chasing bacteria and absorbing it?

 Fucking A!

Onto the subject of nerds...

Get it? *Snort*

Although I call myself a nerd regularly, I'm not really... Sure, I read a lot, play lots of video games and spend most of my day laughing at memes but I just don't have the brain for it...To put it in a nutshell...I'm not smart enough to be a nerd. Which is kind of depressing but it's okay, I've got Google.

*Jaws Theme*

I don't why I find this so funny

This happens every time I see a baby animal.

Which is kind of a problem since Tash and I started volunteering at a SPCA. We have a blast but...We might have started getting attached already...since we have named all 30 cats but that is another story...

Fare thee well, bitches...

It's nearly Sexy Time

Happy Spring Day everyone!

 And Happy Autumn day for my overseas friends!

 

Now that we have that out of the way...

Boyfriend: What are you doing?
Me: Research.
Boyfriend: Those are just pictures of half-naked men
Me: It isn't for me. It's for my blog.
Boyfriend: Why would you be looking at naked men for your blog?
Me: Supply and demand.
Boyfriend: And why is you hand down your pants?
Me: Oh...

On a side note: Boyfriend is very understanding of me looking at half-naked men. Just as I am supportive in pointing out boobs. I can't help it, sometimes these things just need to be admired.

 

 

A little something for the men.

But let me get back on track, today is the first day of spring which leads to Summer which means bikini season. That means no more excuses about eating healthy and no more giant jackets that can hide the extra kilo or two that has been put on. Shit.
Even though I whine about Winter and how cold it is, it did have some good points...Well point. Just one and that is the giant jacket part. But I digress...

Spring is here, bitches! Today marks the countdown to my favourite part of year!
*Happy Dance

From the 1st November onwards is my best. I LOVE Christmas time. It's the part of the year where I have no bad memories, no worries and I can poke people and say "It's nearly Christmas" and then give them a subtle hint of what I want.

They don't even take notice of me when I get so excited and I start to speak in one word sentences. And then I just start to point and grunt. But let's not go there.

It's Kitteh TIME!

Beware of Doug (My special friend-part two)

I have a friend named Douglas. He is very handsome and has a great arse. He doesn't know that when he is looking the other way, I will perve over his marvelous buttox and when I am lying all alone in bed I will hug my pillow pretending that it is actually him I am caressing. Okay I am lying, I just wrote all that to make him feel uncomfortable cause he reads my blog (And I love him for it)

 

What can I say about Doug? Well, he has a friend called Keiran, they get up to all kinds of fuckery together, for example:

Doug: Let's start writing a story in a manner where I write a section and you write the next section and so forth.
 Keiran: No because it's lame
 Doug: we can write the whole thing online
 Doug: ok let's start
 Doug: Once upon a time
 Keiran : The end
 Doug: fucking brilliant
 Doug: best seller

Or:

Doug: Can I have a bite of your pie?
Keiran: Yes. *Gives Doug his pie
Doug: Thanks. *Throws pie out the window 

Douglas can also be quite an asshole, outrageously funny but still an asshole...

Like:

1) Telling a girl that his name is Johnny so after romancing her in a club, she can't find him on facebook. 
2) Prank calling a hairdresser whilst pretending to be an old paraplegic. He actually got them to travel to his grandmothers house for a personal visit for a haircut. (He got into a lot of shit for that one)
3) Not having the balls to tell a girl that he had just kissed that he had in fact, actually just thrown up a couple of minutes before.
4) Innocently going out for a supper on a Wednesday night but ended up getting so trashed that he had to take two days off work.
5) Putting his chewing gum on my sneakers since he was too lazy to go to the bin. (Thanks a lot fucker)

Yes, he is indeed handsome.

This is the most normal photo I could find.
These were my other choices...

Douglas is also adopted, him and his brother were orphans until their (Foster) parents adopted them. He was what he affectionately calls himself a street rat or a throw away child. He also likes to say 'Only street kids are allowed to drink beer' whilst sipping on said beverage.


And now for my best Douglas quotes:


"The temptation to urinate in a bath is difficult to overcome"


"There is not enough beer in a bottle to fully satisfy my needs"


"I put on my underpants and I walk amongst my cabbages asking them if I make them feel sexy."

"Fuck"


These have nothing to do with Doug:

 

 

Have an awesome week, everyone!

Swing High, Swing Low...

I'm in a bad mood and I don't know why. It could be the slight dizziness I am experiencing from my bipolar medication or it could be the stress of looking after a sick boyfriend for a whole week. The thing that really pisses me off though is that it isn't some huge personal disaster, it's just lots of little insignificant things that are bugging me sub-consciously. I don't want to feel a bad emotion for something small, I would rather save it for a time when life really kicks you in the testicles and then sleeps with your wife whilst insulting your mother.

So to get myself out of this useless mood I am currently in, I have decided to put some of my favourite things that I find hilarious/cute/sexy or just plain racist <--- Kidding on that last one but who knows? I have a very sick sense of humour.

 

This just had me in stitches.

I love Stewie Griffin.

Kittah!

 

Story of my life

Yip- this happened

I absolutely LOVE Rage comics- Freaking Genius

I found all of these pictures on an awesome website called 9GAG.com. Seriously go take a look if you want a good chuckle, I am on page 1027 or something silly...