Things I would do if I had a snake

As I have previously stated, I really want a snake and since I can't get one I have been spending a lot of my time pondering what I would do if I actually had a snake....

THINGS I WOULD DO IF I HAD A SNAKE.


1) I would make it a little Christmas hat to fit its little head so it would also feel the Christmas spirit but I bet you are wondering, Chelsey? How would you make a snake a hat? It has no ears and could potentially fall off...Have no fear! I will get it synthetic ears made from the best snake skin or I will just put one of those annoying stretchy string things that go under the chin.

2) In October there is a magical holiday that I suspect a pedophile originally started up...Come on! Dressing up so nobody knows who you are and then luring children to your house with candy in the shadow of the night? Yeah...I'm onto you, you sick perverts. *Squinty eyes*

So back to Halloween...I would hire a penis costume for a very small person with no limbs and put it on my snake and then I would bind my breasts, put my penis/snake between my legs and pretend to be Adam...Yes as in Adam and Eve (Can they arrest you for indecent exposure if it's a legit costume?)

3) I would learn to knit and make it a scarf

4) I would carry my snake around and go up to the most nervous looking people and casually tell them that it really calms my snake down when people give me money

5) I would learn to play the flute

6) We would play hide and seek for hours but he would let me win because he knows I don't like losing to creatures smaller than me especially children.

7) I will tell him all my secrets and we will pinky swear and then laugh and laugh because he doesn't have hands!

8) I will put a bell at the end of its tail and we would go Christmas caroling and eventually start a band

9) I would wear him as a scarf and when people tried to touch it, Rumplesnakeskin (That's his name) would do a snake version of BOO!

10) I will buy him a wig so he won't be self conscious about being bald.

If I had a snake, it would tell me that it is time for pervy pictures!

I know I have had this one before but DAMN!

All we need is just a little patience. (Well it's a nice thought)

I am pretty good at waiting for people, I can sit in a car for over an hour while my mother does whatever moms do in a shopping centre that takes so effing long. The first thing I do is listen to music but once that CD has played through and my vocal chords need a break from singing 'Don't stop believing' there is another glorious invention. The cellphone. Not the crappy bricks from the olden days but the new improved phones. Phones that can play movies, music and games with internet at the touch of a button...

But back to the subject at hand besides being an awesome Guns&Roses song, patience is something I sometimes lack for example:

List of things I have no patience for:

1. Slow internet.
2. Tangled wires
3. Stupid people
4. Trance music
5. Liars
6. Ppl dat spel lyk dis
7.Sugar free candy- what a load of shit
8. Chain letters- I have not been murdered/slaughtered/maimed/gutted at midnight by a ghost/serial killer/demon/werewolf/ vengeful spirit or shadow.
9. Asshole drivers
10. Any airport waiting

List of things I do have patience for:

1. Cats
2. Dogs
3. Any kind of animal really.
4. Friends
5. Food- I love food
6. Learner drivers ( I'm a learner driver :D but not for long!)
7. Family- sometimes

Okay I have given up trying to think of things that I have patience for, there aren't many and it's starting to give me a headache.

Like I said before, I care a lot for my friends and I can get a little bit overprotective. For example, My parents bought me my first car. (It is freaking awesome but I digress)  Sarah, my dear friend drove us back from the shop and because she doesn't know the car, she stalled which made the stupid bitch woman that was thirty meters behind us have to go around us instead of straight, she was deeply unhappy and showed her hostility with a lot of head shaking, swearing, hooting and dirty looks. Sarah did all the right things, put the hazards on, apologized and all that nonsense. I on other hand smacked the window and shouted right back actually...It went a little something like this:

Me: What a fucking bitch
Sarah: I know but it's fine
Me: No, it's not! Who the hell does she think she is!
Sarah: It's ok
Me (To the bitch now in front of us): Go die a pitiful death! Stupid runt.(Except runt actually started with a C)
Sarah: Chels! Show a little bit of compassion.
Me: Fine, Go die a slow painful death so you can say goodbye to your relatives, bitch.