It is not a euphemism for penis.

I have a secret desire. Okay, not so secret. I want a snake and no, that is not a euphemism for penis.

Ball Python

Not what I am talking about.

Me: "Mom, I want a royal python."
Mom: "For what?
Me: "To hold and play with."
Mom: "Play with Duanne's snake."
Me: "Okay" Walks to my room...
Mom: "NOT HERE!"

You may have surmised that the only snake Duanne has is the one in his pants and that is useless to me. Well not completely useless *Wink Wink* but it ain't no royal python... Not that he is small in any way but you know what I mean...I want a royal python and not Boyfriend's penis...Not that I don't want his penis but I can't exactly throw it over my shoulders and walk around the house.Why am I even talking about Boyfriends penis? Let's move on...
..........
..........
..........

...Cock.
Okay, got that out of my system.

So I desperately want a snake but my parents are firm believers that snakes are the scariest things alive and will not even consider coming near one, let alone live with one.
In fact my father has no idea what tree I fell out of since nobody in my family likes those non-legged reptiles.

Oh? What was that? You want something to perv over? Oh alright!
PERV.OVER.ALL.THE THINGS!

I will turn that frown upside down

 And let me not forget the lads...