Thursday, 5 April 2012

10 things to do on a date.

1) Over-share

Who doesn't want to hear about the time you got really constipated and had to give yourself an enema?

2) Talk only about yourself

Men find it sexy when you take control of the conversation. Make sure you only about your interests and what is only important to you. In fact don't even give him a chance to speak.

3) Don't talk about sport of any kind

A woman must never talk about any sport to a love interest. Men only talk to other men about sport. If you start to talk about football or baseball to a man, he will automatically put you in the friendzone.

4) Don't eat with a knife and fork

Use your hands. Men get turned on when a woman shoves fistfuls of food down their mouths. As an added extra make grunting noises and a burp or two to show how much you appreciate it.

5) Never shave your legs, cootch or arm pits

Back in the cave man days, before razors and Nair. Men found women sexy in all their unshaven glory. Although men of today do not realize it, deep down, the thought of gliding their hand up bushy leg hair is exactly the kind of thing that will make them yours forever.

6) Tell him all about your ex-boyfriend

Men want you to talk and bitch about your ex. In fact I encourage it! Tell them about every single detail that went wrong in your previous relationship so that they can avoid making the same mistake...You're welcome.

7) Point out his faults

Remember to point out his faults so that when you see him on the second date, he will have hopefully fixed most of them.

8) Talk about your fertility cycle

This one is very important. Really get into detail about when you ovulate and when you have your menstrual cycle. I suggest making him a presentation with pictures just so he can see what you are talking about.

9) Baby talk.

With the high pitched voice and the pinching of his cheeks, he will be transported back to a happy place where the only things on his agenda were eat, sleep and poop

10) Don't wear deodorant or any type of perfume

The pheromones in your sweat will allure him like nothing else! Make sure to run or exercise before a big date to get those sweat glands pumping!

Now if you follow my advise, these are the type of men you will date:


  1. Wait. Who said "You're a good looking guy and all, but these pictures we're taking just don't have any personality due to the vapid look in your eyes....Hm... OH! I know! Dip your hand in this vat of chocolate!"
    At least I hope it's chocolate.

  2. Oh my! Thank you, Chaddles.

  3. @kidfreeliving- I would like to dip his crotch in a vat of chocolate.

  4. Who is the guy with the chocolate???