Thursday, 24 March 2011

Hornkey Dong

I am a huge animal lover and before you even begin to think of dirty thoughts. No, I am not the animal lover that thinks, wow look at that donkey dong all swaying and brushing the ground and stuff *drool
Actually that was just gross, forget what I said there unless you are into that kind of thing and just so you know, I am judging you. You are one sick puppy (See what I did there :D *wink wink, nudge nudge...No? Okay.) and you should probably go see a therapist or something. Pervert.

Please don't touch me where I pee.
I have gone completely off subject, where was I?
Umm, yes of course, loving animals in a completely platonic sisterly way but that is boring so I am going to tell you the tale of the time of the hornkey.
Well when my mother went shopping for some stained glass, the shop where she bought it from happened to be in the middle of a large field filled with horses and a couple of ponies. I was bored within two minutes and as usual went exploring where I happened to come across a mule or as I like to call them a Hornkey. It was quite adorable with its white coat and weird eye flapper things to keep the flies away, like a robot donkey from outer space.

While staring at Optimus Prime (I renamed him) eating an apple, the crushing realization hit me. I did not know the difference between a donkey and a pony. I went into one of my daydreams, the one where I was a contestant on Who wants to be a millionaire.

Presenter: "And now we're back from commercial and we have with us Chelsey, she only has one question to answer for the million dollar prize."
*starts sweating and simultaneously farts quietly
Me: Nods and smiles in a nervous but excited manner
*lights dim and scary music starts
Presenter: "Okay, your final question is; What is the difference between a donkey and a pony?"

Me: "...Shit."

I phoned boyfriend while staring at the hornkey.

Boyfriend: "Hello my incredibly gorgeous girlfriend who I am very lucky to have."
Me: "Oh stop!" *Starts blushing

At this point boyfriend pointed out to me that that wasn't how it went, I told him that he was wrong and he didn't know what he was talking about.

Me: "You'll never guess what I found out about myself!"
Boyfriend: "Err...What?"
Me: "I don't know the difference between a donkey and a pony!"
Boyfriend: "This is what you phoned me for?"
Me: "Yes!"
Boyfriend: *heavy sigh "I'm actually kind of bus..."
Me: "That must mean that they are the same thing!!!"
Boyfriend: *heavier sigh

The conversation goes on for another fifteen minutes while I list all the things that donkeys and ponies have in common.

At that point I was very excited ( wouldn't you be?) and I wanted everyone on the farm to know my amazing discovery. I was rushing to my mother when it came to me. A donkey has a different tail and longer ears but in my excited mind I didn't care because in that moment I was sure I had changed the world with the discovery that ponies and donkeys were the same things.
When I finally got to the shop I had forgotten what I was so excited about and looking back maybe that was a good thing, maybe the world isn't ready to know that donkeys are actually ponies in an ugly disguise.




  1. Now I'm really going to blow your mind - do you know what a MULE is?

  2. I prefer the term hornkey :) I don't know why they didn't call it that in the first place.

  3. Hahahahaha!!!!
    I love your awesome discoveries :)!