What a difference a year makes...

A year and a half ago, the world was filled with endless possibilities. We were getting a puppy! Oh the joy of having a little bundle of fluff to cuddle and play with. We were going to go for training and it was going to be the best dog in the entire world!

I don't know what the fuck happened. I took her for training and was doing everything right but there was a slight problem. Okay a major problem...Let me start from the beginning...

 We did have a puppy, a beautiful yellow Labrador, Summer was only 7 months old when she passed away, she went to get her girly bits tied and a blood clot had formed a couple days later due to a mishap.
She was an amazing puppy, very intelligent and greatly loved.

Summer

But enough with the sad stuff...Although a tad rushed, we got another puppy two months later, this time a golden retriever. She was adorable!

 

Layla

 So as before I took Layla to puppy training but what people don't realize is that dog training needs consistency, all members of the family need to pitch in and help but due to recent tragedy they treated Layla like finely spun gold. Which resulted in a bit of a mess. She is not naughty per se, she is just... Well...I...She is just special.

She likes to bark. A lot. At everything. Especially in the wee hours of the morning. Which pisses me off no end.

She likes to chew on her own foot...

"Bulimia dog"

She likes to steal socks...

She also watches TV...

She is also scared of everything....

....
....

Every. Thing

Water
Live bugs, if dead, she will eat them
Curtains
Hair dryer
Door creaking
Sea weed
Balloons
Dog toys that squeak and/or hard

But when it comes down to it, I love that special, crazy dog with all my heart...

Who can resist such a beautiful face?

It is not a euphemism for penis.

I have a secret desire. Okay, not so secret. I want a snake and no, that is not a euphemism for penis.

Ball Python

Not what I am talking about.

Me: "Mom, I want a royal python."
Mom: "For what?
Me: "To hold and play with."
Mom: "Play with Duanne's snake."
Me: "Okay" Walks to my room...
Mom: "NOT HERE!"

You may have surmised that the only snake Duanne has is the one in his pants and that is useless to me. Well not completely useless *Wink Wink* but it ain't no royal python... Not that he is small in any way but you know what I mean...I want a royal python and not Boyfriend's penis...Not that I don't want his penis but I can't exactly throw it over my shoulders and walk around the house.Why am I even talking about Boyfriends penis? Let's move on...
..........
..........
..........

...Cock.
Okay, got that out of my system.

So I desperately want a snake but my parents are firm believers that snakes are the scariest things alive and will not even consider coming near one, let alone live with one.
In fact my father has no idea what tree I fell out of since nobody in my family likes those non-legged reptiles.

Oh? What was that? You want something to perv over? Oh alright!
PERV.OVER.ALL.THE THINGS!

I will turn that frown upside down

 And let me not forget the lads...

Chicks with dicks

Now that I have your attention, you sick little perverts, (who I am very proud to call my followers.) I would like to sincerely apologize for my lack of posts and comments and general Internet interest but alas my family has been going through a very shitty time and my mind had decided to go AWOL... Well that maybe a bit of an exaggeration as I have been able to tell complete strangers and inanimate objects to either go and fuck themselves or to just fuck off...Anything insulting really...


What has really helped me to keep utter and full blown depression away is keeping busy and this little guy...

How freaking cute is that????

Look at the little paws and nose and tiny ears! That was just too much for me and I went into a state I like to call a "puppy high" Which is basically when you see any baby animal (not only puppies) and basically act like a complete idiot. Large stupid grin? Check. High squeaky voice? Check. Trying to estimate whether the baby animal can fit in your bag and if you can run faster than the owner? Check.


Another thing that has kept me sorta sane is scouring the internet for funnies...these are a few of my favourites...

Gotta love infomercials!!

Okay all, a proper post is formulating in my head as I write this just wanted to let you all know I am still alive...I promise I will have some sexy ass pervertedness in countless bounds soon


xoxo