Beware of Doug (My special friend-part two)

I have a friend named Douglas. He is very handsome and has a great arse. He doesn't know that when he is looking the other way, I will perve over his marvelous buttox and when I am lying all alone in bed I will hug my pillow pretending that it is actually him I am caressing. Okay I am lying, I just wrote all that to make him feel uncomfortable cause he reads my blog (And I love him for it)

 

What can I say about Doug? Well, he has a friend called Keiran, they get up to all kinds of fuckery together, for example:

Doug: Let's start writing a story in a manner where I write a section and you write the next section and so forth.
 Keiran: No because it's lame
 Doug: we can write the whole thing online
 Doug: ok let's start
 Doug: Once upon a time
 Keiran : The end
 Doug: fucking brilliant
 Doug: best seller

Or:

Doug: Can I have a bite of your pie?
Keiran: Yes. *Gives Doug his pie
Doug: Thanks. *Throws pie out the window 

Douglas can also be quite an asshole, outrageously funny but still an asshole...

Like:

1) Telling a girl that his name is Johnny so after romancing her in a club, she can't find him on facebook. 
2) Prank calling a hairdresser whilst pretending to be an old paraplegic. He actually got them to travel to his grandmothers house for a personal visit for a haircut. (He got into a lot of shit for that one)
3) Not having the balls to tell a girl that he had just kissed that he had in fact, actually just thrown up a couple of minutes before.
4) Innocently going out for a supper on a Wednesday night but ended up getting so trashed that he had to take two days off work.
5) Putting his chewing gum on my sneakers since he was too lazy to go to the bin. (Thanks a lot fucker)

Yes, he is indeed handsome.

This is the most normal photo I could find.
These were my other choices...

Douglas is also adopted, him and his brother were orphans until their (Foster) parents adopted them. He was what he affectionately calls himself a street rat or a throw away child. He also likes to say 'Only street kids are allowed to drink beer' whilst sipping on said beverage.


And now for my best Douglas quotes:


"The temptation to urinate in a bath is difficult to overcome"


"There is not enough beer in a bottle to fully satisfy my needs"


"I put on my underpants and I walk amongst my cabbages asking them if I make them feel sexy."

"Fuck"


These have nothing to do with Doug:

 

 

Have an awesome week, everyone!

Studying Math is close to sodomy

I am hating life at the moment, not really but I like to exaggerate. My math exam that I was suppose to write in the beginning of June has been bumped up by three weeks and I'll be now writing it in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! How on earth am I suppose to cram five weeks worth of studying into two? It doesn't help that I have the attention span of a goldfish.

 

In the beginning of my blog I wrote about the game that I liked to play with myself called Think of poor starving animals that have incurable diseases and stop feeling sorry for myself. Like I said sometimes it helps and this time it did put things in perspective for me. Things could be a lot worse, like I could be homeless, blind and only have one arm.

But still this game doesn't take away all my ill feeling towards the stupid fucktards people in charge of my education. I think it is time for another letter.

Dear people in charge of my education.

Who the hell do you think you are? Do you think you are God? Huh? Do you think you are omnipotent? Well I am here to tell you that you are not. How dare you put my education at risk. Do you hate the young generation? I think you do, I think you are bitter and alone because your spouse left  you for someone younger. Well fuck you people in charge of my education, you can take my exam timetable and shove it up your own asshole.

Kind regards

Chelsey.

P.S
Your Mother.