Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Failure to communicate.

This week hasn't been the best one of my life. Yesterday morning I woke up with a sore throat and a highly annoying cough but when 7am came, I got up and got dressed and pasted on what I hoped to be a brave, confident smile.

For you see I was taking my drivers test at 11am and I had a two hour lesson just before so everything was still fresh in my mind. (Fat lot of help that did) DO YOU SEE WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS? Yip, I failed again and this time I can safely say that it wasn't my fault. I did everything perfectly up until the last parking where I barely jerked the car which apparently counts as a roll forward. But in my look at the bright side attitude I have decided to indeed look on the brighter side. So with the advise from my anger management I am going to write a letter.

Dear Mr Man who failed me.

You are quite noticeably fat and not just a little bit porky, you have a pot belly and a half. In my caring manner and looking on the bright side of life I wanted to ask you if you are maybe diabetic? Do you have to go to the loo quite often and when you do does it burn when you pee? I hope it doesn't cause I would never wish this upon you.
And on the off chance you slip into a diabetic coma, can you maybe put it in the newspaper or something so I can celebrate pray for you.
I also see you are going bald but that's okay, I bet your wife doesn't regret marrying you even though your wedding ring can never come off since you gotten so fat unless you cut it it off which could be a likely possibility with your diabetes and all.

Best wishes.


That was just yesterday and when my aching body woke me up this morning at 5am with coughing, slight nausea and weather so cold my face was numb that was just the topping of this shit filled cake. So I have been laying in bed the whole day, complete with backache, stomachache, headache, sore throat, constant coughing, bleeding from the vagina and paining legs, all the symptoms of my period and my mild flu, I am gloriously happy.
Takes napkin and wipes the bullshit from her mouth*

Okay, I am miserable. My body is uncomfortable from lying down and when I get up my body gets so sore I walk with a slight hump. (haha, 'hump') I can't even enjoy the junk food my wonderful mommy bought for me. Now that is a tragedy.

But so as to not get you down, here is a couple of amusing pictures that have kept me sane today...

Is it a yawn, is it a sneeze? I... don't... know!

Llama say what?

Thought CakeBetch would get a kick out of this one:

 Squirrel Mimes!

"I will destroy you"

Bitch, please...


  1. Oh noes.... that sucks that you failed. Your driving test must be a lot stricter than it is in the states because my ex got a driver's license and he was NOT qualified to operate a gigantic piece of fast-moving metal. I mean, really, really not qualified.
    And lolz I totally got a kick out of it. Actually, my first thought was, "She has a picture of Kaiser up!" That is the spitting image of him. He sleeps in the most awkward and uncomfortable looking positions ever. Danes are super good at fitting onto couches and chairs though.

  2. Pshht, Why would I have a picture of your dog. It's not like I would stalk you...or something. Oh no, I don't watch you while you sleep and take photo's. No sir, not me.

    PS. If you find a camera lens, can you mail it back to me, that shit is expensive yo'