Thursday, 7 April 2011

Things that suck (Part one-Periods)

My little rant today is about periods. In fact I wrote a letter to my reproductive organs.

Dear ovaries

Fuck you.



Now I don't want to sound like a bitch but really? Is it actually necessary to and I quote "expel your lining?" Why can't you just clean up once in a while? You know just give it a little sweep? Why do you have to put in a whole new lining? I don't put in new carpets every time I spill something on it. So why is sperm so special? You do realize that sperm is pretty common and in one man they make like millions of them everyday and with just two testicles to hang out in, it can be pretty cramped so why bother cleaning house for just one of those little buggers? I'm sure he won't mind. In fact it is more than they deserve.

This is what they deserve.

Whatever you do, don't get me started on the other glorious changes that happen whilst on the period. Actually I think it is time for another letter:

Dear backache and bloating

Fuck you.

Kind regards


"Menstruation which includes bleeding from the vagina is found mainly among humans and similar animals, such as primates. In many mammals, the endometrium is reabsorbed by the animal" -Thank you google.

The whole bleeding from the vagina thing? That wasn't a smooth move on natures part. We already feel like killing something do they have to tempt us with the sight of blood? Surely that was a mistake.

The following symptoms may be felt by some women on the days leading up to her period - symptoms of premenstrual syndrome:
  • Abdominal cramps
  • Bloating
  • Irritability
  • Pains, especially backache
  • Feeling generally emotional or troubled
  • Lack of concentration
  • Breast tenderness or swelling
  • Slight weight gain
  • Binge eating
  • Headaches
  • Depression
  • Insomnia
Are you actually freaking kidding me? So not only are we sore in our stomach's, back and head, we are also emotionally troubled and can't sleep? I am surprised that we are the more gentle of the sexes

Or maybe not...

And on that bombshell of crazy bitch, let's end on a high note.
    Dear swelling of the breasts

    Thank you

    Kind regards

    1 comment:

    1. Yep, I'm in the 'days leading up to' phase of the cycle, not really enjoying myself very much. Sigh. So many times I wish I had just been born a dude.